


Safe

by petrusse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Eventual Romance, F/M, Good versus Evil, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26547019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrusse/pseuds/petrusse
Summary: I wanted to be safe, that was all I wanted. It wasn't that easy though was it? I had to pick where I felt safest. The truth was, I knew where I felt safest, it was with him. It took me awhile to realize it, but it was him, always him. No matter how hard I tried for it not to be with him it was always with him. But was I ready for the implications that came with it?
Relationships: Blaise Zabini/Original Female Character(s), Blaise Zabini/Reader, Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Draco Malfoy/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Stuck Between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys this is my first work on here, a few things.  
> One, please read the warnings in the notes there can be very mature and deep topics happening in these chapters.  
> Two, this is marked as a reader story, yes the main character does have a name but she has no descriptions other than her name and house in order to feel as if you are reading it from first perspective I needed to have a name.  
> Three, I am not British so my language for things could be very different.  
> I hope you guys enjoy :)

I got onto the Hogwarts Express for the fourth time, it somehow felt more like home than my actual home. My actual home used to be full of fighting and slamming doors, it terrified me when I was little. Now it is silent with the occasional peep from my mother. I didn’t know which option haunted me more, both ways reminded me that my family wasn’t normal.  
Last winter break I found out what all the fuss was for. Both sides of my family think the other is a disgrace, my father came from a line of Slytherins, he was a death eater, my mom married him because they hooked up and had me. He had apparently sore , he was out, he was not. He left, he still writes me a lot, sometimes to check up on me, sometimes to convince me to come with him but I never do.  


My mother's family on the other hand come from a long line of the brave, all pureblood too. They have high morals and fight against “You-know-who” or the “Dark Lord” or whoever you want to call him, yet only breed with other purebloods. They think they are high and mighty but forget they act the same as the people they are fighting against. They were nice people considering their apparent fakeness, but they prided themselves on courage, and though I am ambitious I am in no way brave, I mean for Merlin’s sake I am afraid of the dark, fish, heights, and fear itself, I mean I have so much anxiety I was never meant for Gryffindor. I might have been meant for Slytherin, I mean every good Ravenclaw’s got some Slytherin in them, but at the end of the day I ended up being an eagle. I ended up disappointing both sides by being a Ravenclaw, but truly they should’ve seen it coming.  


I walked to a compartment and took a seat, I assumed my friends would find me if not it was okay. As I was waiting for my friends to come in I saw silver-white hair pass by, it was Draco. He looked in and smiled, we had never really talked before except for in a couple classes but I assumed he must know my father, considering who his father was. “Can’t pick a side, Krich, can you?” he asked with a little chuckle.  


I looked up at him, his skin was pale, but not sickly it made his stormy grey eyes stand out. He was handsome, but that didn’t matter, I have someone else. He was a Slytherin prince, I was a reject from both sides of my family. I wanted to tell myself his words had no affect on me, but it hurt because he was right, I would never let him know that. I instead of telling the Slytherin prince the truth looked at him and said “I’m perfectly fine being on no side at all, Malfoy.”  


It wasn’t true, I wasn’t fine, trapped on no side at all. But he was right, I couldn’t pick a side. My father or my mother, neither side was good. Did I want to be a loyal servant to the “Dark Lord”? No, but my dad always appreciated me for who I was, he appreciated my wit, he understood I wasn’t brave, but I wasn’t brave because my mind never stopped calculating all the possibilities. It is hard to be brave when you think of every bad thing that could happen. Did I want to change everything about myself to fit into a a fake mold? No, but my mother on the other hand expected me to be ridiculously brave, which was not who I am, and hated the fact I thought they were acting the same way as the people they were fighting. My father was accepting, my mother wanted me to change. My father is on the “wrong” side, my mother is on the “right” side.  


As of now, as Malfoy reminded me I have not sworn allegiance to either side. I mainly stay with my mother now that they are separated, she said she would never see me again if I stayed with my dad; however, I still write to my dad every week and we meet sometimes for lunch or tea.  


Malfoy had left and I was alone waiting for my friends to come find me. Eventually they did. My friends were exactly a display of what good inter-house relations could be, there was Alexander, a Slytherin, James, a Hufflepuff, Serenity, a Gryffindor, and of course me, a Ravenclaw.  


Thinking back on it is a huge surprise we became friends, it seems as if the group itself has nothing in common. I believe had we not become friends in the order we did it definitely would not work.  


Alexander and I became friends first on the first train we took to Hogwarts, because as I have said to my father a million times, every good Ravenclaw has a little bit of Slytherin in them. Alexander has hazel eyes, short brown wavy hair, pale skin that was dotted with freckles, and could not have been sorted into any other house, he is a perfect Slytherin, cunning, ambitious, resourceful, self-preservationist, and honestly a little bit of a dick. His personality definitely complimented my wit, ambition, wisdom, determination, creativity, and deceitfulness.  


We did most things together, I was smarter than he was, he was more of a self-preservationist than I was. We were like brother and sister at this point. About two month into first year I told Alex we were going to make a new friend, he didn’t believe me of course, our dynamic was so good. We met James the next day, he has olive skin, short, thick brown hair, dark eyes, and was and still is the tallest of the group. His personality fit in nicely, he was patient, loyal, fair, and resourceful, he mellowed the two out so we didn’t constantly get into fights. James brought Serenity, she has tanned skin, long dark hair with blonde hair, blue eyes and was a pure Gryffindor, she was courageous, brave, has nerve, and chivalrous. We all worked well together.  


“So Catherine,” I heard a familiar female voice and the compartment door open, “Alex was just catching me up on your summer because you failed to mention in your owls that you spent all summer flirting with a Slytherin,” Serenity said as she sat down. I shot a glance at Alex, he wasn’t supposed to know, much less tell anyone I was trying to keep it on the down-low.  


“Don’t look at me, how was I supposed to know you wanted it to be a secret.” Alex said defensively, it was true I didn’t tell him not to tell anyone but in all honesty I didn’t even tell him. He was friends with Blaise because they were in the same house.  


I looked at James and Serenity. They always tried to set me up with people in their house, but I was too deceitful for any of them to like me, truthfully I always got along with Slytherins better. “Yeah Blaise and I we're talking all summer,” I said to them, and I wondered how many other people knew, “Not much has happened we went on a date a couple weeks ago but I couldn’t go out much over summer, you know how my mother feels about Slytherins.”  


My mother hated Slytherins, said they were the enemy and were going to destroy the wizarding world. She said this as if she hadn’t slept and married one herself.  


“Well why did you tell Alex and not us, Catherine?” asked James. I mean he had a fair point I tell them everything, but he was mistaken I didn’t tell Alex anything.  


“She didn’t tell me, Zabini did. He has the hots for her, wouldn’t shut up about the date. His family came over to my house like a week after the date.”  


“So, tell us more.” James and Serenity said simultaneously.  


“There isn’t much more to tell guys,” I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t telling the full truth either, funny how well that loophole works. “We went out on one date and I think he’s rather hot.” I was just hoping Blaise did not tell Alex everything, how we’ve sent owls back and forth every day, how he kept trying to see me though my mother might murder both of us, he was charming to say the least.  


Both James and Serenity shot a look at Alex as if to ask if I was lying, I crossed my fingers and hoped he didn’t know much. “Don’t look at me guys all I know is Zabini will not shut up about her, bet you the whole house knows.”  


He had a point the whole house must’ve known. Malfoy must’ve known, maybe that’s why he asked if I couldn’t pick a side. Living with my mother, dating a son of my father’s friends. He was right. I was in the middle of two sides, and they were both tugging at me to try and get me on their side.  


The four of us bantered while we state in the compartment, poking fun at each other but mainly me for not telling them, they had a point I should’ve told them I’m not sure why I didn’t. But they knew now and I was never ever gonna hear the end of it.


	2. Apple of a Slytherin's Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None   
> I hope you enjoy, I know this is updated twice in one day but I want to get the story going to get people interested. If you have any comments like things I can do better feel free to let me know

We were able to see Hogwarts now, it was comforting to be back here. It always was comforting but honestly this time it was more comforting than ever. At least here I might be able to escape the vicious game of tug-of-war my family was playing with me as the rope. “I’m going to find Blaise,” I told my friends standing up in our compartment, “You guys want to come with me?”

“No,” James said, “You know the only Slytherin I can stand is Alex. Plus I really don’t want to third wheel, but thank you for the offer.” Both Serenity and Alex agree they didn’t want to come with me. I didn’t truly expect them to but I thought I would offer. 

I started walking down the hall of the train, Blaise was standing looking out his compartment three doors down from where I was standing. His eyes lit up when he saw me, I smiled, I was happy to see him. Talking all summer was great but not being to go out ever with him was not, words can be deceiving and I know that. 

I walked up to him and he embraced me, gave me a kiss on the check and I smiled, “Nice to see you Blaise, you look rather nice in your robes.” He did look really nice in his robes, I blushed a little. I walked into his compartment and saw Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle all sitting there. 

“I was just about to come and find you Catherine, these three want to know about the girl I’ve been talking to all summer,” he spoke softly and I could feel his hand was a little sweaty like he was nervous. 

I continued to hold his hand and looked at the three other Slytherins in the compartment. I knew them all when we had class together but I wasn’t close with any of the three. “So you were talking about Krich this whole time Zabini?” Malfoy spit out after a couple moments of silence. 

“Yeah I was what other Ravenclaw do you think would’ve caught my eye Malfoy. The rest are all too much like Gryffindors, no offense Catherine.” I didn’t take any offense, he was right I was the only one relatively close to his age that wasn’t very much like Gryffindors. 

I looked at Malfoy, he looked a little upset but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Maybe Malfoy was just moody. I took a seat for the last couple minutes of the train ride, I was still holding Blaise’s hand. It was nice, he made me feel nice. “Don’t worry about them, they like you, they just don’t like to show when they like someone,” Blaise whispered in my ear, it was comforting to hear, but I wasn’t too sure about Malfoy. 

Crabbe looked at me for a moment and spoke, “Zabini, so I was saying, the woman screamed at me like I had done something wrong.” 

“You shagged her daughter.” 

I stopped listening assuming I had missed a lot of the important parts of this story. I looked across at Malfoy, he had obviously stopped listening as well. “Did you go to the Quidditch World Cup this year Malfoy?” I tried to make conversation with the other boy as the others continued talking about the drama Crabbe had over summer. 

“Yes I did, sat with the Minister himself. Did you attend this year?” 

“No,” I was still a little bitter about it, my mother wouldn’t get tickets because she knew my father was going to be there. My father invited me and I planned on attending but two days before the match my mother said if I went with him I’d have to move in with him and never come back. I wasn’t ready to give up on my mother completely, or commit to my father’s side completely. 

“Why not?” He sounded surprised in his question. 

I thought about how to answer his question, I can’t tell him the full truth, I shouldn’t lie about something so little, “I guess that’s what happens when you don’t choose sides.” 

He nodded and seemed sympathetic for a moment, the sympathy however was nowhere in his voice when he said “Choose a side then Krier.” 

He must’ve known it wasn’t that easy. 

The train came to a stop and I squeezed Blaise’s hand two times. He looked at me and gave me a small kiss. “Are you ready to have a feast?” He asked standing up. I stood up next to him and nodded. 

As I was walking out of the train with Blaise, the others followed behind us. I just kept thinking about Malfoy’s comment, ‘Choose a side then’, which one do I choose? For now it didn’t matter, but I knew it eventually would matter. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I heard Blaise’s voice, our hands were still interlocked as we rode on the carriages into Hogwarts, “How many people have you told?” 

Was there a correct answer? Did he want me to tell people? Was it supposed to be a secret? We never really specified, I mean I didn’t even know if we were a couple. “Just my friends, and I mean you told Alex.” I was honest, I didn’t know if it was the wrong answer but I didn’t want to lie to him. 

“Okay, not your mother or father?” 

“No, have you told your parents?” I didn’t know how to tell them truthfully. My mother would be upset and my father would think I was picking his side. 

“No but I was going to write to them about it soon, after I asked you something.” 

What in Merlin’s beard would he have to ask me? Did he want me to tell them? We had barely gone on dates, I mean we talked everyday but still. 

“Well are you going to ask her?” Malfoy said after less than three seconds of silence, for a moment I had forgotten the group of Slytherins was still with us. “Are you too much of a pussy to ask? You better ask soon Ravenclaw might pull their head out their ass and ask her before you at the rate you’re going?” 

We were approaching the school quickly and you were waiting for Blaise to ask you, Malfoy was being a dick per usual. “Malfoy will you shut the fuck up and let Blaise ask me his question?” I spat at him. 

“She’s a feisty one, Blaise,” Malfoy commented, then he was silent. Thank Merlin. 

“Will you be my girlfriend, Catherine?” He asked, holding my hand and looking hopefully confident. He did not look nearly as nervous as I would have gathered from the thought I heard. I guess that was a Slytherin trait to be able to keep your emotions in check and not constantly on display. 

“Yes, of course, I would love to be your girlfriend,” I said. I was happy, I wanted to be his girlfriend since August. It was just easier here, to be with him, to be myself, to not be in a constant game of tug-of-war. I hoped my answer to the question would not create a new game of tug-of-war. 

Blaise was noticeably happy, the emotions were not behind a wall anymore. He cupped my face and kissed me. It was a passionate kiss, way more passionate than the couple of kisses we have had before. It felt so nice, his lips on mine, I was so happy. We were still kissing when I heard a bunch of whistles. We both stopped kissing and looked at Malfoy who was definitely one of the whistles. 

“Don’t look at me, they started it,” he said as he pointed behind him. I looked at the carriage he was pointing at expecting to see some second years, the carriage was not full of second years. It was full of my friends and as soon as I made eye contact with them they started laughing hysterically. 

James yelled, “That’s what you get for not telling us Catherine.” Blaise looked at me confused. 

“Alex told them first.” I clarified and his expression was no longer confused but more understanding of the fact that they wouldn’t have known if he hadn’t told Alex. 

The carriage came to a complete stop and everyone got out of my carriage last, Blaise helped me out and kissed me again. The way he kissed me was wonderful, it was passionate and caring, he kissed me like it would be his last time kissing me every time. “Have a good feast Catherine, I will see you after?” 

“Maybe,” I teased, “Maybe not. You’ll have to wait and find out.” 

“That’s rude darling, I don’t want to wait that long to find out. You know the first day's feast is always hours longer than normal dinners,” he whined. I felt a little bad, he was correct, the first day's feast was very long. 

“Fine, meet me on the spiral staircases after dinner, you can walk me to the common room if you would like,” I told him smiling. I wanted him to walk me so I could kiss him goodnight. I hoped he would agree. 

“I will see you there.” 

We had to part ways to get to our house tables, I kissed him once more and then made my way to the table.


	3. Ignorance is Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Vague mention of potential stalker  
> Thank you for reading :)

The sorting ceremony went on as usual. The first years looked so tiny this year, once they all had been sorted the announcements came as usual. Again for the fourth year in a row we had a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, it annoyed me a little bit how much that class changed professors. Dumbledore rambled about how great a person Moody was, the new professor. I was distracted staring at Blaise when he looked at me he smiled and I blushed a little.

Being with Blaise was a new experience for me, it was as if I was a prized possession, it wasn’t something he was trying to keep secret. It was something he wanted people to know, which made me happy within the boundaries of school. With my parents on the other hand, it worried me, was this me choosing sides, I didn’t want to choose yet.

“It is also my painful duty to inform you that the inter-house Quidditch Cup will not take place this year. This year we will be hosting the annual Tri-Wizarding Tournament, three schools all one one campus,” I looked away from Blaise and my eyes shot to Dumbledore. I had heard some of these words already. I was interested to say the least. “Please welcome the ladies from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic.” 

As Dumbledore said these words ladies dressed in a soft blue came dancing out and walked down the aisle between Gryffindor’s table and my table. When they had all come through Dumbledore politely asked Ravenclaw to make room for them to sit with them. “Now please welcome the men from Durmstrang Institute.”

The men, including the famous Vitkor Krum walked down the same aisle and sat at the Gryffindor tables. “We have worked hard over the summer to ensure that, this time, no champion will find himself or herself in mortal danger. On Halloween we will have the Champion Selections. No one under the age of 17 may enter this competition.”

I found myself letting go of breath I didn’t even know I was holding, Blaise nor Alex could even try to enter, I mean they would probably still try but they wouldn’t be able to. They wouldn’t get hurt. They were safe. Blaise was safe. “Now let the feast begin,” Dumbledore’s voice boomed.

I ate all the food I could and talked to a couple of the Ravenclaw students, I wasn’t that close with any of them. A lot of them saw me as too much of a Slytherin. I couldn’t fight them on that. We got along because I was also witty and clever and had a desire to know about everything like the rest of them but it was a strained conversation. 

“So your dad left your mom?” I looked up to see who had brought it up, it was Terry Boot.

I forgot that it had been splashed all over every newspaper, it is everyday that pureblood marriage is ended in any way but death. “I guess so, I mean they both kind of left each other when neither of them would switch their beliefs for each other.” 

Terry was sitting across from me, he glanced behind him in Blaise’s direction. He looked as if he was about to speak but paused instead. He gathered up his thoughts or courage and asked, “So you chose your dad’s side?”

“No, I am just simply dating Blaise, I don’t want to take a side.”

“Whatever you say Catherine.”

I knew people were going to think I sided with my father anytime I was close to a Slytherin. I had no way to stop that thought, all I could do was tell people I didn’t want to be on a side. Which was true for the most part, I didn’t want to pick a side, but also false because I was so tired of being the rope in a game of tug of war. 

I continued to eat and made small talk about the summer with Terry, he was nice enough. He would never be my best friend but he didn’t hate me. One the feast was over and we walked off to our common rooms. I got to the winding stairs and waited for Blaise to walk me the rest of the way.

I knew he’d be a little later than me, I left before him. So I stood leaning against the railing waiting for him. I started to feel uncomfortable as one of the Dumstrang boys was staring at me. He looked like he wanted something from me. He was a small distance away just standing there staring at me. I shifted uncomfortably as I debated leaving. Blaise would understand right?

“There you are darling,” I heard the familiar voice. I turned and I saw Blaise smiling at me. He was walking towards me and I walked faster than I normally did to meet him. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I was talking to Professor Snape about something.” I held his hand tightly and looked back up to where the boy was standing. He must’ve left after Blaise came, I let out a sigh of relief. “Is there something wrong?”

I’m a strong independent woman, it is okay, right? Right. He could’ve been waiting for someone as well. That was probably it. No need to worry Blaise. I can handle it, plus there is probably nothing to handle. But what if there is, he looked strong? No he must’ve been waiting for someone, he’s gone now. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Blaise asking again, “Is there something wrong Catherine?”

“No, sorry I guess I was just lost in my thoughts,” I wasn’t sure if I was lying or not. But it wasn’t a lie as long as the boy never came back right?

“Okay darling, I don’t know where the Ravenclaw common room is, you’re the first Ravenclaw I’ve dated.”

“Don’t worry, I know where it is,” I grabbed his hand, I chuckled a bit and we started walking up the stairs. I could not get the way the boy looked at me out of my head, it was like I was something he wanted. “What do you think about the Tournament?”

He smiled at me., “I think it will be fun to watch but I’m glad I don’t have to talk the house out of all joining, somehow I am the responsible one.” I chuckled at the statement, it made sense he was the most responsible out of the Slytherins I knew. Alex would have joined purely out of spite, and might still try.

It was funny of me to think of Blaise as the responsible one. He was still so caught up in ambition and pride to full think sometimes. But then again I overthink constantly, maybe he was the one thinking just enough.

“Here we are.” We were standing at the eagle knocker. “It’ll give me a riddle to be let in, thank you for walking me here.” I looked at him and smiled, I felt safer right now, but still not completely safe, why couldn’t I feel completely safe with my boyfriend. “I mean I would invite you in but we’ve been dating for less than a day.”

He grabbed my hand and said, “Sleep well darling, I will hopefully see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” He kissed me, still passionately, I felt safe. I didn’t want him to leave, I knew he had to but I wanted to stay in the moment with him forever. 

As I was kissing him I heard the knocker mumble something in the background but I didn’t make out the riddle. “Goodnight Blaise,” I said after he finished kissing me and started to turn away.

“Goodnight Catherine.”

He was disappearing more and more out of sight. I looked to the knocker again, “Could you repeat that, I was a little busy?”  
The eagle spoke to me, “When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you gay. When old, I am more valued than ever. What am I?”

I stood and thought for a moment. “Wine.”

“Well reasoned.”

The door opened for me into the calming common room, the room smelled of old books and was a navy blue. The arches were a nice touch. “Catherine! Come join us, we want to know how your summer went.” One of the fifth graders said to me.

I smirked a Slytherin smirk, “Well what do you want to know?” I knew what they were going to ask.

Two of the girls looked at me, “Is it true? Are you and Blaise? You know? An item?”

I smiled, I felt the blood rush up to my cheeks, “Yes we are.” I answered then honestly but wondered to myself how many people Blaise had told exactly that basically the whole school knew already. 

I could feel the next question coming, but I was mistaken as there was no question of my choosing sides, rather they just let out an “Awww” and invited me to sit and gossip with them. It was nice to be included in something that wasn’t a plan to overthrow either side of my family. 

After the girls spent hours talking about all their boy drama from over the summer, we headed into our dorms. I didn’t really understand most of their boy drama they were talking about wizards in America or wherever else they went over summer.   
I walked into the dorm. My stuff was waiting for me on my bed. I put away all my clothes but left out a blue silk nightgown to wear to bed. I got it last year at Hogsmeade, it reminded me just because I wasn’t a Slytherin or Gryffindor like my parents wanted me to be. I could have pride in my house. 

After I went through my night time routine I crawled in for bed and hoped for peace. I did not get what I hoped for. I could not get the boy out of my head. I could not get his piercing eyes out of my head.

Maybe I should’ve told Blaise, but it would’ve just worried him. What if it was nothing and I had nothing to worry about at all? What if I should be terrified? I should’ve told Blaise. What is he going to do about it? I couldn’t tell Blaise, what did I expect him to do, we’ve been together for a total of twenty-four hours, I couldn’t expect him to be my knight in shining armor. I decided I was going to tell my friends today when I saw them. They would know what to do wouldn’t they?

I tossed and turned for a while and drifted off to sleep. I was overthinking again. He had been standing there for less than five minutes, I needed to calm down. It would all be okay, no one would dare to mess with the new found love interest of a Slytherin, no one wanted to be on their bad sides.


	4. Ignorance is Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight Anxiety attack described, still mention of stalker
> 
> I hope you all enjoy :)

I rolled out of bed the next morning, I knew I was still nervous about the man last night. I woke up with my jaw clenched and my muscles were tight as if I had clenched my entire body during my sleep.Whenever I was thinking about something before I went to sleep it happened. I didn’t feel well rested either, I was still tired as if I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep. All I hoped was that I didn’t have any obvious signs of my lack of sleep like dark bags hanging under my eyes.

As I got out of bed, it must have been early, the other Ravenclaw girls were still fast asleep, the sun wasn’t harshly beating through our curtains yet. I grabbed my robes and wand and I went to the bathroom. I didn’t want to wake my classmates and struggle to answer the question of why I was up at dawn. In the bathroom I looked in the mirror, I could have looked better but I could have looked worse too.  


I stood at the mirror with my hands on the sink staring at myself in the mirror. I mentally begged myself to calm down, to stop thinking about the man’s eyes piercing through my skin. I pleaded with my brain to let me stop focusing on my fear. My hands gripped the skin for dear life, my knees buckled, I remember the night before I left for my first year. 

_I was sitting on my bed, my satin pajamas were silver like my dad’s house, I was so excited to go to Hogwarts the next day. My books were packed away and my wand sat on my dresser, it was made of hawthorn and unicorn hair, it was 11 inches and unyieldingly flexible. I looked around my room knowing it would be the last time I was here for a couple months. I heard a knock on my door._

_The door opened, it was my mother, she looked concerned. I gave her a smile and she walked over to my bed and sat on the edge of it. I couldn’t stop myself from taking the worry from her, I didn’t know why I should be worried but I was now. My mother was brave, this was not the look she was supposed to have on her face, “I didn’t want to have to talk to you about this at 11 sweetheart, but I have to,” she grabbed my hand. “I know you are not me Catherine, you are not brave like my family, nor do you have self preservation from your father’s side. Fear the men at your school.”_

_I didn’t know what meant, why did I need to fear the people at my school? I was scared, I didn’t want to tell her that, she never wanted me to be scared. She wanted me to be brave like her. “What do you mean mom?”_

_She looked even more worried now than before, which did nothing to help me. “You are a cute girl, you’ll be a pretty, gorgeous woman. Men will try to take advantage of you. They might think they are entitled to touch you, do not let them. It is okay to be scared sweetheart.”_

_I was scared, I was worried, her words spun in my head, making webs of worries but I didn’t even truly know what the words meant. I sat there staring at my mother, the fear was in my eyes and she could see it. “You might not understand and I hope you never have to know why. But I need you to stay scared about this. It is safer that way.”_

_When was it ever safer to be scared? I wanted to ask her, she had always wanted me to be brave but now she didn’t want me to be. Everyday she told me to be brave, the next morning she told me to be brave, it was the only time in my life she had told me to fear. I could not stop thinking about it. ___

__I understood what she was talking about, I figured it out last year when rumors of the older students flew through the castle. I understood now what she meant when she said she never wanted me to know why. She never wanted me to feel this way._ _

__I tried to calm down, I only succeeded a little bit, I was calm enough to stop my legs from shaking. I moved away from the sink and changed out of my pajamas into my robes. I looked back at myself one more time and I hoped I could handle myself better today than I did moments ago. My mother told me to be scared but I didn’t need to make it obvious to the world that I was terrified._ _

__After changing I dropped off my pajamas in my dorm and walked down to the common room. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and I looked at the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw, would she have been afraid? I can only assume she would have been. It seems smart to be afraid. I have been convinced for a long time that fear is a consequence of knowledge. Maybe it wasn’t terrible to be afraid like my mother had always told me, maybe it was just a sign of understanding. I believe Rowena would have agreed with me.  
__

__Pulling myself out of my thoughts I walk along the bookcases in the common room, scanning to see if any book interests me. There were so many books, I could read about anything I desired. I could read about potions, or charms, or love, or fiction, or the past, or the future. I couldn’t focus on the books. I wanted to escape into one of the story lines, I wanted to curl up into a chair and read about two people falling in love despite all odds, being happy and safe together, but I couldn’t focus on that not when all I could think about was if I was safe. As I continued walking down the shelf looking at the books I looked out the window, I saw the quidditch pitch, I expected it to be empty. It was early in the morning and the second day of school, but alas there was one person out on the broom. Platinum blond hair, it was Malfoy._ _

__I let my mind wander from my own safety to why the hell he was on the quidditch pitch at sunrise on the second day of school. As I thought about it more I realized that I also would be out there if I was any good at quidditch. He probably didn’t sleep well. But why could the prince of Slytherin not sleep? What was haunting him? I assume it was not the stare of a man._ _

__I didn’t waste anymore time in the common room. Instead I headed down to the Great Hall to get some breakfast. I walked to the hall alone, looking over my shoulder every few seconds._ _

__“Catherine!”_ _

__My body tensed even though the voice sounded familiar, I gripped my wand in my robes immediately. I turned around to see the warm smile of James, his hair was messy as if he didn't even take the time to get ready_ _

__“Why are you up so early you and Alex always wake up with barely enough time to get to class?” James spoke again. I took a seat next to him at the Hufflepuff table._ _

__“Couldn’t sleep,” I debated on telling him right then and there about the man’s stare. “Too much to think about with the Tri-Wizarding tournament.” I lied. I don’t know why I lied, it slipped off my tongue as easily as if it were the truth._ _

__“Oh I know, Cedric said he was going to enter last night.”_ _

__“Someone other than a Gryffindor is trying to enter a deadly challenge? That is unexpected.”_ _

__“Cedric has always had a little bit of Gryffindor in him, I think he is trying to make his family proud. Not that he needs to try all his dad does is talk about how proud he is.”_ _

__I smiled, imagining what my life would be if my family was that proud of me. What it would be like if I wasn’t a disappointment to both sides. I was jealous that Cedric had it, but I wouldn’t wish my position on even my most hated enemy. “He must,” I responded to James, “I heard they banned the tournament because too many kids were dying.”_ _

__“Well,” there was hope in his voice, “They said it was going to be safer this year, I don’t want to see anyone dead.”_ _

__“Are you two planning a murderous revenge without Alex? Do you know how mad he is going to be?” Serenity said from behind me. I smirked, knowing if anyone in our friend group would go on a murderous revenge I would not be James, he couldn’t hurt a fly._ _

__“You know, I think you would be a little disappointed too,” I laughed and looked over to Serenity._ _

__“I would only be disappointed if it was for a noble cause.”_ _

__“How very Gryffindor of you Serenity, but you know if James was involved it would have to be a very very worthy reason.” James nodded along with my statement as he set his glass of pumpkin juice down._ _

__“She has a point there Ser,” James said._ _

__“I know she does but I wanted to be right.”_ _

__“You should know better than to try to outwit a Ravenclaw,” I smirked again, she never won against me. She was too rash and emotional, too quick to try and be the savior or the good guy, I always won._ _

__I looked around the Great Hall that was starting to fill up as students rolled out of bed. Alex was still nowhere to be found, but he would probably not be found until five minutes into his first class. My eyes wandered over to the Slytherin table where the prince himself sat he was back from his morning quidditch pratice, Malfoy was engaging in some conversation with Pansy Parkison. I continued to scan the table looking for Blaise, maybe I could tell him what happened last night. I spotted him walking into the hall._ _

__I turned back to the conversation going on between Serenity and James, it seemed to be about who was going to put their name into the tournament from their respective houses. I got up without announcing it and smiled at both of them as I walked towards the Slytherin table._ _

__“Good morning darling,” Blaise grabbed my hand. I liked it when he called me darling, but for a second my mind wonder how many other girls in the castle my handsome boyfriend was calling darling?_ _


End file.
